i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
