in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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