I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
