I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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