You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
