Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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