My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
