Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
