i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
