dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You are a genius and a whore.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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