Where are you?
In a non slutty way
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Even my vagina gasped.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
