Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
