I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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