I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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