So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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