May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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