"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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