Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
