I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
