Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
