There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
