dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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