...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Even my vagina gasped.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's blow job season.
Alive.
So much puke
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
