belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
