Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
