It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize