I showed him my bush... on skype.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
