We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
