toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
