he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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