John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
