I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
