It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
