put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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