all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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