WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
