I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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