I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
