my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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