i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
