So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
