You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All the doctor said was why
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
