Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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