We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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