I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
