i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
