If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
