At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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