I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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