I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
