I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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