Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
