Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
