dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
