id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I want to fling myself into the sun
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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