I cannot find my penis.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize