Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
