I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
