I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
