Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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