last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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