Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
