i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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