So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
