I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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